CEO Lieutenant Ilia sh'Tolar

Forum for the U.S.S. Sentinel, running every Monday at 2100 EST. Talk about your missions and your crewmates here, and post your logs for everyone to read.

Moderator: James Greenman

Commander
User avatar
*I* put Baby in a corner!

Posts: 754
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:47 am

CEO Lieutenant Ilia sh'Tolar

Postby C. J. Short » Wed Mar 05, 2014 4:11 am

SD 11402.26

"Where is the stupid, damn... hell!" Crates topples as Ilia searched for the equipment she needed, checking the labels on each before tossing them aside when they invariably disappointed her.

"Problems, Lia?" asked Ensign Petrov, over the combadge. Ilia huffed; she must have accidentally hit her badge during her frantic.

"Sorry," she said curtly. "I need to find an adaptive interface links before the Captain takes off, and they're not where they should be."

"I think they moved those to Cargo Bay 2," Vitaly remarked. Ilia stopped what she was doing, her breath heavy from the effort.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," he said after a pause. "They needed to make room for those iso-coverters." Ilia had already taken off, running through the corridors towards a turbolift.

"Thanks, Vittles," she said between breaths. "Hey, I need a favor," she added, bending over and placing her hands on her knees as the turbolift wended its way towards the cargo bays.

"Name it," he said.

"I need you to run by Sickbay and pick up a cortical stimulator, and then meet me in the shuttle bay."

"Should I ask what for?" Ilia smirked, jogging out of the lift as the doors slid open.

"We need to feed a naked silver chick," she said.

"On my way," he said, with maybe a bit more enthusiasm than he'd intended.
"As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death." - George Bernard Shaw, Overruled

Commander
User avatar
*I* put Baby in a corner!

Posts: 754
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:47 am

Re: ENG Ensign Ilia sh'Tolar

Postby C. J. Short » Wed Mar 12, 2014 10:30 am

SD 11403.05

Ilia tossed aside tool after tool, doing her best to manually realign the engines' plasma infusers. The primary maintenance console had been too-heavily damaged in the crash to do it automatically; yet another stinging reminder of her absolute failure as an engineer. After the infusers, she'd have to check the micro-coils for damage, then the matter/anti-matter storage, then inventory every EPS junction and ODN cluster to see which ones could be used to get them off this hellish rock. It didn't look good.

She felt another spike of frustration, and she fought hard to keep herself from just wailing on the machinery around her. She felt her whole body clench, angry tears spilling hotly from her eyes. She was thankful that she was hidden by the small access alcove, and that the Captain was busy fixing his wound. She didn't want him to see her like this; too many had already seen it at the Academy, and she'd given her assurances that she was past these. And, when it came to every day stresses, she was. Needless to say, this was an extraordinary circumstance. Still, she knew it would look bad, so she forced herself together, wiping lightly at her eyes and taking several deep, calming breaths.

Confident that the infusers were properly aligned, Ilia slid herself out from the alcove, and began to check on the junctions and clusters. She frowned some at the results; the systems had taken significant damage from both the crash and ionic discharge. She sighed, unable to keep herself from revisiting her preparations for the ion storms. It should have worked. She was sure she'd done everything right, had checked and rechecked every calculation.

She had to have missed something somewhere, though; forgot to insulate some subsystem, or misjudged the shield array's charge tolerance, and had gotten herself, the Captain, and a one-of-a-kind alien lady stranded on Death Planet IV with slim-to-none odds of ever seeing space again. 'That's enough, Ilia,' she heard in the back of her mind. She sighed as she recalled Commander Morris' oft-spoken words, meant to stop her from rehashing the same point. Yes, Ilia had made a mistake somewhere. Berating herself for it wasn't going to get them anywhere.

Ilia grabbed her toolkit, and went about trying to repair enough of the shuttle's EPS junctions to attempt to restart the engines.
"As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death." - George Bernard Shaw, Overruled

Commander
User avatar
*I* put Baby in a corner!

Posts: 754
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:47 am

Re: ENG Ensign Ilia sh'Tolar

Postby C. J. Short » Sat Mar 15, 2014 1:45 am

SD 11403.12

Theme:


Ilia was only partially there as the doctor checked her over. She had to work to make her eyes follow the light, and she only vaguely understood his questions. Physically, she was fine; a few cuts and bruises from the crash, all of which were easily fixed. The doctor said she was in shock, though, and needed rest. He said someone would take her to her quarters. She asked for Vitali; he showed up at once.

They didn't speak as he slowly guided her through the corridors to her quarters. They'd known each other only for a short time, but they'd each felt something of a connection. Vitali knew enough not to ask Ilia about what happened. Ilia was thankful that her roommate was out of their shared living space when they arrived. The fewer people she had to face, the better. They went into the bedroom, and Ilia sat on the foot of her bed, still staring off into space, the occasional tear finding its way out.

Vitali wasn't sure what all was going on. He'd gathered that something had happened with the silver woman; he assumed Ilia's state was related to that. He wanted to say something to make her feel better: a cheesy one-liner about how he'd always wondered what her bed looked like, or some other piece of innuendo. He thought better of it, though.

"Do you need anything to drink?" he asked quietly. She shook her head. He smiled some.

"You want me to go?" he asked. She looked up at him almost apologetically, fresh tears spilling from her eyes as she nodded again.

"It's alright," he said with a soft smile. "I understand." They looked at each other for a brief moment before he slowly made his way to the exit.

"If you need anything," he said, "just call me."

The doors slid shut silently behind him, and Ilia slowly let herself break down. She could still hear Silvia's pleas in her head, and the guilt of what she'd done overwhelmed her. She curled up on the bed, sobbing silently, a knife turning slowly in her belly. She had crashed them on the planet. She had made it so that killing Silvia was the only way to get back.

'I want to learn!' she had begged. 'You promised!'

Ilia regretted everything. She regretted her decision to use Silvia. She regretted her decision to join Starfleet, to put her in a position where she could do so much damage. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Ilia thought about Andoria. For the first time in forever, she thought about her family.

For the first time in forever, Ilia sh'Tolar wanted to go home.
Last edited by C. J. Short on Sat Mar 15, 2014 2:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
"As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death." - George Bernard Shaw, Overruled

Commander

Posts: 958
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:47 am

Re: ENG Ensign Ilia sh'Tolar

Postby Aoibhe Ni » Sat Mar 15, 2014 2:09 am

Very sweet and sad, CJ.
Lovely to see Silvia have an effect on everyone.

Lieutenant
User avatar
IT'S BEEN A LONG ROAD

Posts: 251
Joined: Mon Mar 03, 2014 5:08 am
Character Name: Raqiin sh'Hruvek

Re: ENG Ensign Ilia sh'Tolar

Postby Shawna F » Sun Mar 16, 2014 5:16 pm

Oh, my heart! It really must have been traumatizing for Ilia to get her to think of home. LET IT OUT, GIRL. You got people you can talk to!
CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek - USS Bremen NCC-12428
XO LtCmdr Vikram Baudin - USS Sentinel NCC-79088 / S.T.A.R. Taskforce Sigma

Commander
User avatar
*I* put Baby in a corner!

Posts: 754
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:47 am

ENG sh'Tolar/CO Griffiths

Postby C. J. Short » Tue Mar 18, 2014 7:09 pm

The door chimed quietly, his thumb pressed against the button.

He waited for a few moments, then pressed it again. The seconds seemed to tick by so slowly until finally a hoarse whisper called "Come."

Griff stepped through the door into dim light, glancing over the small quarters to find Ilia sat in one of the plush chairs. He'd worried about this for a few hours, but know he couldn't put it off any longer. He wore a quiet, subdued look as he spoke. "Ensign. I wondered if you had a few moments to talk....Can I sit?"

Ilia gave a non-committal shrug in reply, hugging her knees tightly to her chest. She stared off into space, her eyes red, with purplish bags underneath; likely from crying. She didn't say anything.

Taking that as confirmation enough, he sat down in the chair opposite and waited. There wasn't much that he could say, he knew that - This time there was no magic word to fix everything and make it better. So he just sat, waited, and offered the reassuring presence of another person. If he was honest, what had happened with Silvia had affected him too. He'd grown attached to the strange lifeform, and his heart was heavy with guilt that in the end it had been their attempts to give her the life she wanted that had caused her...death? Dispersal? Nobody knew, and that was the crux of it. Was she back where she belonged, insubstantial and unthinking, or had she....died?

"It's my fault," Ilia said finally. Her voice was barely more than a whisper, cracking dryly with the admission. She swallowed lightly and took a deep breath, still not looking at Captain Griffiths.

"I thought it would work. I thought it would all work," she explained, shaking her head, her tired eyes growing damp once more. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

He waited for a moment, nodding slightly. "We can never know what effects our actions have out here, not truly. Even in the short term, there's only so far that we can look ahead to see what problems the things we do might cause in the future. I acted out of kindness, an effort to help a being in need, and in the end it caused us to harm her. No-one could have foreseen what happened, but those are the risks we take being out here."

Watching her, he leaned forward quietly. "But I know, and you do too, that the decisions we all made at that time were the right ones. You never have to apologise for that, Ilia."

She put on a humorless smile, shaking her head at the notion.

"We made the right decision to save our own asses," she said. "'Seek out new life, and new civilizations,'" she recited, "but if it's you or them, fuck 'em." She hugged her knees more tightly, finally forcing herself to look at him.

"All those ideals they tried to instill in us at the Academy; they aren't going to stand up to reality, are they?" she asked.

He tried to be as honest as he could. "No, they won't. Not all of them. Nothing can prepare you for what we're going to meet out here, but they're good tenets to live by, and it's a start. We have to make hard decisions, and they don't always pan out the way we want, but often enough they do." He paused for a moment, thinking quietly, his eyes somewhat intense in a placid face. "Reverse our positions for a moment. If I was the only one who could stop a warp core breach, at the cost of my own life; Would you order me to do it? Knowing that you're essentially murdering me for the sake of the crew?"

Ilia looked away again. She knew the answer, and she knew he was right, but it didn't make her feel any better. This wasn't what she had in mind when she signed up; she wanted to see the galaxy, and work with the most advanced ships. She didn't want to have to make those decisions.

"That's not my job," she said, though there wasn't much conviction behind it. "I don't want it to be."

"It won't be. Not always." He smiled just briefly. "But I see a lot of potential here. You're not going to be an Ensign forever, however much you'd like to just sit back and enjoy the ride, and that's going to be sometimes making hard decisions. Sometimes they work out, other times...they don't. You can't win them all, Ilia, but you'll learn to focus on the successes in time."

Ilia had a lot of things she wanted to say in response: that there hadn't been any success, and that she didn't want to think about all the hard calls she'd have to make going forward, and that she was thinking about quitting, and that she didn't know how she could live with herself after what happened, and damn him for putting it aside so easily, and...

Like always, when she had too much going through her head at once, Ilia got angry.

"Well, as long as it benefits our careers," she spat, getting out of her chair and promptly walking towards the corner of the room. She wanted to storm off somewhere, but wasn't sure where to go. She stepped left, then right, still facing the corner, her breath coming in heaves. Her hands balled into fist in frustration for a moment, before rising up to the sides of her head, her fingers running through her short, stark white hair.

"I can't do this," she whispered through renewed tears, her slight frame rocking slowly as it all threatened to swallow her again.

Griff stayed where he was, watching her, letting her get some of the bile out of her system. He could understand some of what she was going through, but it was impossible for him to justify what had happened with Silvia. I had been a bad situation, and they had made a mistake. How did the saying go? "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". It had many connotations.

"That's your decision, Ensign. But you have a lot to offer this ship, and Starfleet, you shouldn't think about throwing away all of your hard work and your brilliant minds because of a mistake. A mistake which was mine, not yours."

Ilia stayed in her corner, still lightly pulling at her hair, though she seemed to calm somewhat. She knew herself, that she might feel differently in the morning. For all her attempts to get away, she was still an Andorian. She lived in the now, and 'the now' was terrible. Any decisions she ultimately made wouldn't be made then. Finally, she wiped at her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She didn't know what to say to the Captain, whether she should tell him that he was right, or that she'd think about it.

"I should get some sleep," she offered eventually, still not turning to face him.

The Captain nodded slightly and pushed himself to his feet, suddenly feel about thirty years older. She was a good officer, untested and untried, but that comes with experience. Hopefully she would stick around to gain some. "That sounds like a plan, Ensign." Quietly he made his way to the door, letting it open but hanging in the doorway for a second, turning to look into the darkness.

"Sleep well."

And with that he was gone, the door sliding shut behind him.
"As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death." - George Bernard Shaw, Overruled

Ensign
User avatar

Posts: 22
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:47 am
Location: New Mexico

Re: ENG Ensign Ilia sh'Tolar

Postby Brian Bailey » Tue Mar 18, 2014 7:15 pm

Heart breaking and sad.

Commander
User avatar
*I* put Baby in a corner!

Posts: 754
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:47 am

Re: ENG Ensign Ilia sh'Tolar

Postby C. J. Short » Tue Mar 18, 2014 7:16 pm

She'll get over it. I promise not to milk it too much longer :)
"As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death." - George Bernard Shaw, Overruled

Lieutenant
User avatar
IT'S BEEN A LONG ROAD

Posts: 251
Joined: Mon Mar 03, 2014 5:08 am
Character Name: Raqiin sh'Hruvek

Postby Shawna F » Tue Mar 18, 2014 7:38 pm

Milk it as long as it needs milked, man. (heh, milk man) HURT HURTS IT'S OKAY TO TALK ABOUT IT. Hopefully nobody's going to explode when we go pick up that Romulan. :awes:
CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek - USS Bremen NCC-12428
XO LtCmdr Vikram Baudin - USS Sentinel NCC-79088 / S.T.A.R. Taskforce Sigma

Site Admin
User avatar
That would be unwise

Posts: 974
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:47 am
Location: Vancouver, BC
Character Name: Rhodri "Griff" Griffiths

Re:

Postby James Greenman » Tue Mar 18, 2014 7:54 pm

Shawna F wrote:Milk it as long as it needs milked, man. (heh, milk man) HURT HURTS IT'S OKAY TO TALK ABOUT IT. Hopefully nobody's going to explode when we go pick up that Romulan. :awes:


Not unless those microdetonators in your skulls go off prematurely. :cylon:
Star Trek: Engage Game Manager

Game Director -Sigma Rho Station & U.S.S. Sentinel

Next

Return to U.S.S. Sentinel

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest